To deal with a difficult coworker, describe what keeps happening rather than what they're like, then have one short, private conversation about the work, with one request. Own your part. If nothing changes, bring in your manager with specifics. If they're threatening or harassing you, it's a different situation, and the safety guide comes first.
Key takeaways
- "She's impossible" can't be solved. "She changes my figures without telling me" can.
- One calm conversation between the two of you comes before going to a manager, unless you feel unsafe.
- You don't have to like each other. You do need to be able to work together.
Written byAnshika Jain, PhD scholar, M.A. Clinical Psychology · Coach at Ventoutt·Published Dec 13, 2026 · Updated Dec 13, 2026·Editorial policy
First, one question: Is anyone at work — a manager, a coworker or a customer — threatening you, harassing you, or making you afraid to be there?
- Yes → Call 911 if you're in danger now. After that, work stress, or something unsafe? lists who to contact about harassment, threats or unsafe conditions.
- Not sure → Begin with how to tell a hard job from an unsafe one. Being unsure is reason enough to look.
- No → Read on. This guide is for a coworker you clash with, who isn't threatening or harassing you.
What's the first step with a difficult coworker?
Turn the feeling into something you could point to. "He's so rude" is a verdict. "He answers my questions in the team chat with one word, and ignores them when I ask in person" is something two people can talk about. Write down the two or three things that keep happening, when they happen, and what they do to your work. If you can't name anything specific yet, keep noticing for a little longer before you act.
What kind of coworker conflict are you dealing with?
Different conflicts need different first steps:
| What's happening | What it can look like | Where to start |
|---|---|---|
| A disagreement about the work | You each want the task done a different way, or disagree about what comes first | One conversation about the work |
| Uneven load | Their tasks keep landing on you, or they disappear when it gets busy | The conversation first; for the words to turn tasks down, see how to say no at work |
| A style clash | Blunt messages, interrupting, a different pace or idea of "done" | Describe the effect on you, and ask for one change |
| Credit and blame | Your work presented as theirs, or your name attached to their mistake | Make your work visible as you go, and raise it at the time |
| Talk behind your back | Comments that get back to you, or a group that goes quiet when you arrive | The conversation if it affects the work; feeling left out at work, if that's the bigger part |
| History between you | A falling-out, or a coworker you used to date | If it's an ex, the breakup guide to seeing an ex every day is written for that |
| Threats, harassment or discrimination | Anything that makes you afraid, singles you out for who you are, or doesn't stop when you ask | Not a clash to work out between you. Start with the safety guide |
If it's really about how much you're expected to take on, boundaries at work covers that side of it. If the whole team is stretched and tempers are short, the workload may be the problem underneath.
What should you say to a coworker you're clashing with?
Choose a quiet moment, in private, when neither of you is rushing: before a shift, on a break, or a short call. Not in front of others, and not in a long message. Then:
- Start with the shared goal. "Can we talk about the closing tasks? I want us both to get out on time."
- Name one specific thing. "The last three closes, the stockroom wasn't done when I got to it."
- Ask for their side, and listen. There may be something you don't know, like a manager who pulled them onto the floor.
- Suggest one change, or ask for theirs. "Could we split it, so you take the stockroom and I take the front?"
- Agree to try it for a week or two. Then check in briefly, rather than letting it slide.
In an office, the same steps might sound like: "I'd like us to get the shared report right. A couple of times my sections have been rewritten without a heads-up, and I've missed what changed. Can we agree to leave comments instead of editing each other's parts?"
What if you're partly to blame for the conflict?
Say it early, in one sentence, and mean it: "I was short with you on Tuesday, and that wasn't fair." Owning your part doesn't mean taking all of the blame. It gives them room to own theirs, and it keeps the conversation from turning into a list of who did what first.
Why should you keep the conversation about the work, not the person?
Because disagreeing about the work isn't the problem in itself. A 2012 review of 116 studies of conflict inside teams found that personal friction, and fights over who does what, went with worse team outcomes, while disagreements about the work itself showed no strong link to worse performance, and did better when they stayed separate from personal friction (de Wit, Greer & Jehn, 2012). The studies looked at teams rather than two coworkers, and show links rather than causes. Still, it's a reason to talk about the task, not about their character.
How do you work with a coworker you can't stand?
While things settle, or if they don't:
- Keep it to the work. Polite, brief and about the task. You don't have to be friends.
- Put handoffs where everyone can see them. A shared channel, the shift log or the team board, so nothing depends on one person's memory.
- Don't recruit a side. Complaining to the rest of the team spreads the conflict, and it can get back to them.
- Protect your breaks. Take them somewhere you can switch off, not at the table where it's tense.
When should you bring in your manager or HR about a coworker?
When you've tried talking and nothing's changed, or straight away if it's affecting customers, safety or your ability to do the job. Go with specifics: what happened and when, what it does to the work, what you've already tried, and what you're asking for, whether that's a clearer split of tasks, a different shift pattern or a mediated conversation. Two or three lines written after each incident, with the date and who was there, make this much easier. If the manager is the difficult one, that's a different guide.
HR is the route for harassment, discrimination or threats, or when going to your manager hasn't worked. What HR can do depends on your workplace's policies, which your handbook should set out.
When is a coworker conflict affecting more than your workday?
If dread about work is there most days, or sleep, eating or getting yourself to work is slipping, start with when you're anxious about work every day. If you think it might be burnout, read is it burnout, or a hard stretch?. If someone at work is threatening or harassing you, read work stress, or something unsafe?. If you're thinking about ending your life, or you're in danger now, use the crisis options below.
If you need help now
If you are in the US and having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, or need crisis support, call or text 988 or use 988 online chat. For an immediate life-threatening emergency, call 911. Outside the US, contact your local emergency or crisis service. Coaching, venting and a therapy waitlist are not emergency services.
See suicide prevention helplines for your countryWhen is a difficult coworker more than a personality clash?
When it targets who you are, scares you, or carries on after you've asked it to stop. Those belong with the safety guide's first steps, not a conversation over coffee. If raising it has been followed by fewer shifts, worse tasks or warnings, the same guide covers speaking up when you're scared of what happens next. For anything else, the work stress guide is the place to begin.
Is it worth seeing a coach about a clash with a coworker?
A second person helps with these parts:
- Turning "they're impossible" into the two or three things that keep happening
- Planning and rehearsing the one conversation
- Working out what's yours to own, and what isn't
- Deciding when it's time to take it to a manager
…and plenty that does not fit a category. If it is taking up your week, it is worth a conversation.
Coaching does not diagnose or treat. If you need clinical care, we will help you find it.
A coach won't take sides or contact anyone at your work. What a coach does and doesn't do is laid out here.
The work stress coaching page explains how sessions run
Rachel, USA
Duration: 2:15
“I’ll be honest, I did wonder if working with a coach in India would feel weird because I’m in the U.S. and dating/work culture can be pretty different. It ended up being a non-issue. My coach understood what I was talking about, asked when something needed context, and I never felt like I had to explain my whole life for them to get it.”
Natalie B.
USA
Emma, USA
Duration: 2:20
“Soo ventoutt, team asked me to give their honest feedback, soo here it is. I came in feeling emotionally exhausted from work and life because of my boss(still hate her) but now I know how to deal with that. My coach followed my journey, She remembered my triggers, checked in on past conversations, and adjusted sessions as I changed. It felt thoughtful and not rushed. Thankyou Nishi.”
Emily R.
USA
To protect user privacy, some testimonial images are illustrative and some names have been changed.
Who on Ventoutt's team could help you prepare?
Anshika Jain wrote this guide, and hers is the first card. Ventoutt assigns your first coach; if the fit isn't right, you can change coach from the available options.
Anshika Jain
Mental Wellness Coach
USA Workplace Client Experience
Qualifications: PHD scholar, M.A. in Clinical Psychology; PG Diploma in Counselling & Family Therapy; Certification in Counselling and Psychotherapy; International Member, American Psychological Association (APA), Member No. C2404977850
Specializes in: Relationship, workplace stress, anxiety, self-improvement, career guidance
Best for: Young adults dealing with career confusion, stress, and relationship challenges
Global Exposure: Experience working with USA-based corporate clients
Aditi Bajpai
Mental Wellness Coach
Burnout Support for USA Clients
Qualifications: M.A. in Clinical Psychology
Specializes in: CBT, Mindfulness, ACT, SFBT, Psychodynamic; stress, burnout, overthinking, relationships, life transitions
Best for: Overthinkers, professionals facing burnout, and those seeking deeper self-understanding
Global Exposure: Experience working with clients from the USA
Sakshi Thakar
Mental Wellness Coach
Identity-Affirming Support
Qualifications: B.A. in Psychology; M.Sc. in Clinical Psychology
Specializes in: Trauma-informed care, queer-affirmative, stress, burnout, identity & attachment issues
Best for: Individuals exploring identity, queer concerns, and healing from emotional or relational challenges
Global Exposure: Professional experience working with a USA-based corporate environment
Want to rehearse the conversation with a coach first?
Saying it to a coach before you say it to your coworker can take the edge off. A coach can help you choose your words, guess at their side, and decide what you'll do if it doesn't land. A coach who thinks you need licensed care can refer you to a licensed therapist. How you handle it at work is your call.
Ventoutt's coaches are MA/PhD psychology professionals, minimum three years' experience, based in India. Can someone in India picture a clash with a coworker at a US job? Read how coaching between India and the US works in practice.
$35 single session with no subscription, 45–60 minutes, by chat or video. First 50 coaching texts free for eligible new users. Changing coach is free. New to online coaching? This shows how to check Ventoutt is legitimate.
Still wondering about something with a coworker?
What do you do when a coworker doesn't like you?
You can't make someone like you, and you don't need to. Aim for working well together: polite, reliable, and clear about the work. If it's more than coolness, and you're being left out of things you need for the job or singled out, raise it with your manager. If your manager is the one who seems to dislike you, the guide to a difficult boss is for that.
What if a coworker takes credit for your work?
Speak up at the time, calmly: "Just to add, I put the numbers together for that slide. Happy to walk anyone through them." Keep your work visible as you go, with your name on drafts and updates in shared places. If it keeps happening, bring examples to your manager.
Should you go to HR about a coworker?
Go to HR if it's harassment, discrimination or threats, or if you've tried your manager and nothing has changed. For anything that makes you feel unsafe, start with the safety guide.
How do you deal with a coworker who talks about you behind your back?
Don't answer it with more talk. If it's affecting your work or how others treat you, raise it with them directly and calmly: "I heard you said I'd messed up the order. If something's wrong with my work, I'd rather you told me." If it continues, or it's about who you are, take it to your manager or HR.
Which study is this guide's research point from?
- de Wit, F. R. C., Greer, L. L., & Jehn, K. A. (2012). The paradox of intragroup conflict: A meta-analysis. Journal of Applied Psychology, 97(2), 360–390. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0024844
Anshika Jain
Mental wellness coach at Ventoutt
Qualification: PhD scholar, M.A. Clinical Psychology, India
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