College did a lot of this work for you. The researcher behind one friendship study points out that college gives students time, freedom and shared housing that make time together easy (Hall, 2019). After graduation those can disappear at once: classmates scatter for jobs, you might be back at your parents’ place in the suburbs, or in a first job where your coworkers all seem to have partners and long commutes.
How to make friends as an adult in your 20s
As an adult, you have to do on purpose what school once did for you: find a setting the same faces return to, show up more than once, and turn a good conversation into a small plan somewhere else. It takes repeated time, not a perfect opening line. Start from where you are.
Key takeaways
- An acquaintance starts turning into a friend when the two of you meet somewhere other than the place you met: one small plan, somewhere else.
- Being in the room isn’t the same as being in the conversation. Arriving early, taking a small job, or picking activities that pair people up gives you a way in.
- If someone doesn’t reply, one friendly follow-up is enough. One person’s silence isn’t a verdict on you, and the next try can be with someone new.
Written bySakshi Thakar, M.Sc. Clinical Psychology · Coach at Ventoutt·Reviewed byAditi Bajpai, M.A. Clinical Psychology·Published Oct 25, 2026 · Updated Oct 25, 2026·Editorial policy
Pick the row that sounds like you. Each needs a different first move. Not sure what you’re short on? You can first understand what kind of connection is missing.
| If this is you | Start with | Read next |
|---|---|---|
| No one yet: no group, nobody to text | A weekly class, league or volunteer slot built for beginners. Go before you feel ready | Starting from zero |
| A few acquaintances: a neighbor you nod to by the mailboxes, someone whose dog plays with yours at the dog park, a face from a volunteer cleanup you’ve done twice | Moving one of them to a plan outside the place you see them | This guide |
| Just out of college, or just moved | Rebuilding the structure that college or your old city gave you | Why it feels harder after college · how to make friends after a move |
| Friends, but you’ve drifted | Not this guide: how to stay close when life gets in the way | — |
| Your social life was mostly a partner’s, and the relationship has ended | How to handle loneliness after a breakup, then come back here | — |
How do you go from hello to a second conversation?
Here, the real work happens in the second and third meetings, not the first. This is how it can go at a weekly beginner salsa class at a community center — swap in whatever repeats near you.
What you talk about matters too. In one study, first-year college students whose talk with a new acquaintance included catching up on each other’s days, joking around and serious conversation grew closer over nine weeks. Talk that stayed on current events, sports, pets and TV went with drifting apart (Hall, 2019). That was one group of students at one university, but it’s a useful nudge: after the first “what do you do,” ask about their actual week.
What if you go alone and nobody talks to you?
Being in the room isn’t the same as being in the conversation. A packed event where everyone arrives in pairs can leave you standing by the drinks all night. You can make an opening for yourself:
Arrive ten minutes early. Fewer people, and the ones there may be setting up and easy to talk to.
Take a small job. Hand out name tags, help stack chairs, or keep score. A job gives you a reason to talk to everyone.
Pick activities that pair people up. Partner drills, a class that rotates partners, a five-a-side soccer team that needs a sub, a group project.
Stay for the ten minutes after. That’s when people relax, and when plans for next time get made.
If you went, tried, and still left without a single real conversation, that’s one evening of information, not a verdict. Ask whether it was the moment — you arrived late, everyone already knew each other — or the place itself. If it’s the place, read about choosing places to meet people. A one-page plan to print and fill in is here too.
How do you turn an acquaintance into a friend?
Suggest seeing them somewhere other than the place you usually see them. The neighbor you chat with by the mailboxes, the person whose dog plays with yours, the volunteer you keep ending up next to — as long as you only meet in that one place, it stays a place-based friendship. The researcher behind one study of new friendships suggests that agreeing to spend time together in a new setting is how two people signal they’re open to something more (Hall, 2019).
Make the first step small and specific:
What if your mind goes blank, or you don’t have any hobbies?
A blank mind in conversation can be practiced around. Before you go, have three things ready: one thing from your week you’d be happy to talk about, one question about the activity you’re both at, and one follow-up question you can ask about whatever they say. You don’t have to be interesting. You have to be interested for a few minutes.
“I don’t have any hobbies” doesn’t have to stop you. Pick something low-skill that repeats, and let the people be the point at first. Interests can come from the people you meet there.
If it’s not that you have no hobbies but that nothing feels worth doing anymore, and your sleep, appetite, classes or work are suffering too, that’s worth more support than this guide. For why making friends can feel so hard — what’s about time and structure, and what’s about the stories you tell yourself — read what makes adult friendship hard.
What if they don’t reply?
Send one more message about a week later, with something concrete in it — a link to the event, a new day. If nothing comes back after that, put your energy into the next person rather than into decoding the silence. People drop texts for all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with you: a busy month, a phone full of unread messages, a hard week of their own. Don’t send a third and fourth message to the same person, and don’t read one quiet reply as proof of anything.
So rebuild the structure deliberately:
Replace the dorm with one standing weekly thing. Same day, same place.
Replace the dining hall with one meal a week you share, even if it starts as a regular lunch with one person.
If you work remotely or with people at a different life stage, look outside work first, and read how to make friends at work for the rest.
If you moved for the job, start with the guide for new arrivals in a city. It covers how long it takes, and why some hours together count for more than others.
If your college friends are now spread out, the guide to maintaining friendships covers staying close across distance and schedules.
Still in college? The same steps apply. The structure is around you — use it before it’s gone.
What if it’s more than loneliness?
If your mood is low most days and sleep, classes or work are slipping, start with when loneliness feels like more than loneliness. If a partner decides who you can see or talk to, read relationship problem or controlling behavior?. If you’re thinking about ending your life, or you’re in danger now, use the crisis options below.
If you need help now
If you are in the US and having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, or need crisis support, call or text 988 or use 988 online chat. For an immediate life-threatening emergency, call 911. Outside the US, contact your local emergency or crisis service. Coaching, venting and a therapy waitlist are not emergency services.
See suicide prevention helplines for your countryWhere can a coach help with making friends?
The steps are simple to read and hard to do alone, week after week. A coach can help you:
Choose which of two or three possible places to commit to for the next month.
Write the first text to someone you’ve met once, and decide when to send it.
Practice asking a group “mind if I join you?” at an event where everyone seems to know each other already.
Work out why conversations keep stopping after the first five minutes.
Plan around a schedule that only leaves weekends, or only weekday mornings.
…and plenty that does not fit a category. If it is taking up your week, it is worth a conversation.
Who could you work on this with?
Ventoutt assigns your first coach, and if the fit isn’t right, you can change coach from the available options.
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Best for: Overthinkers, professionals facing burnout, and those seeking deeper self-understanding
Global Exposure: Experience working with clients from the USA
Would it help to plan this with a coach?
You don’t need a coach to make friends. Some people find it easier with one: someone to pick the place with, rehearse the first text with, and look at what happened afterward, so one bad evening doesn’t become the end of the plan. It’s mental wellness coaching for everyday challenges, and no diagnosis is needed.
Ventoutt’s coaches are MA/PhD psychology professionals, minimum three years’ experience, based in India. Not sure how that plays out with a life in the US? Read how coaching across time zones works for US clients. If the first coach isn’t the right fit, changing is free. If what you need tonight is just to be heard, here’s when venting is the better choice.
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What else comes up when you’re making friends as an adult?
Is it harder to make friends after college?
It can feel that way, because the structure that put you near the same people every day — classes, dorms, shared meals — can end at once. The effort that used to be automatic now has to be planned. The after-college section above shows how.
How do you make friends as an adult when you work full-time?
Protect one standing weekly thing, and treat it like an appointment. For friendships with coworkers, and for remote jobs, read how to make friends at work.
Do apps for making friends work?
They can get you a first meeting. What happens after is the same as anywhere: a second meeting, then a plan somewhere new. Our guide to apps to make friends explains what each kind is for.
How do you make friends if you’re shy or introverted?
Pick smaller, structured settings over big parties, and lean on one-to-one follow-ups, where quieter people can shine. Shy isn’t something to fix before you start; it’s something to plan around.